Filling the Empty Spaces

For as far back as I can remember—and that goes back right near the middle of the previous century—fruit salad has been one of the keystones of Thanksgiving dinner. Bits of apple, banana, peach, pear, pineapple and orange joined with grapes, pecans, coconut, small marshmallows and maraschino cherries. Love that stuff! Throughout the years of my growing up, I’d help Mom make it each year. I’ve tried to pass the tradition down with my own children and grandchildren.

It’s just one of the parts that we pass along after those we love have passed on. The homemade rolls, the bread stuffing, the roasted turkey and all the other favorite dishes become a lasting reminder of celebrations passed. Even watching football together before and after the meal is part of those traditions and will remind us of others with whom we shared exclamations and celebrations.

Inevitably, there are the absent voices, the missing plates, the empty chairs. Such is the nature of this life that there is loss, absence, emptiness. And there are adoptions, marriages and grandchildren. New relations, new births and other changes.

It is not that any or all of those can replace a single lost loved one. Nor is our laughter around the table a suggestion that they are forgotten or no longer missed. It is rather evidence that we have chosen to live on, to continue loving and continue appreciating the blessings that continue, along with the aches and losses.

That is the same thing that we did before they were taken. Even when they were with us, there were others already gone. Their parents and grand-parents, their child, perhaps. A friend from many years ago. Going back through the millennia of our existence, we have always lived in the midst of pain and blessing.

It is good that we take time to acknowledge both and pass along the traditions that remind us that through both sorrow and celebration, we love and are loved. And that something as simple as passing a dish speaks of hope.

H. Arnett
11/28/16

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Bearing Bad News

I have been a part-time preacher and pastor since 1975. During these forty-one years, I’ve lost track of the times I’ve been called with bad news. Sometimes it’s a dreaded diagnosis, sometimes the mingled loss and relief of the ending of an elderly loved one’s long, slow demise. Sometimes it’s the shock of sudden tragedy like the bizarreness of a tree falling on a calm day, crushing a passing car and killing a young mother in Colorado.

I’ve grown accustomed to comforting, listening, consoling and sometimes—being consoled.

The very first such call came in my first year of preaching and involved a guy with whom I’d gone to school a few years earlier. A member of our small congregation in Drakesboro, Kentucky, he cut into a 600v power line in a west Kentucky coal mine and left behind a widow and baby. Like Herb’s death, many of those losses involved people that I also loved. Through all of them, we’d sit together in small funeral homes, talk in families’ living rooms and share pain and laughter, tears and prayers.

I’ve come to appreciate my smallness, my weakness, my powerlessness in these situations. I convey caring, offer the hope of resurrection and acknowledge that these losses often leave deep wounds. In the aftermath of murder and the excruciating torture of a loved one’s suicide, there are complex weavings of anger and anguish. At the end of the day, I hope that I have managed to convey some significant degree of caring and that’s about as much as I can manage. Healing and comfort, if they come at all, will come from others’ choices and larger voices.

What I had not really appreciated until yesterday was what it was like to be on the other end of those calls.

When I got to work, I learned that one of our students had been killed in a car crash as he drove home from working in our college library late Sunday night. He lived in Winfield, only fifteen or twenty minutes away. On a four-lane highway with a fifty-foot wide dividing median, he’d been hit head-on by a driver going the wrong way in a car reported to have no functioning headlights. The other driver survived the crash; Garrett was killed “instantly.”

Instead of sending out an email, I tried to find each of his teachers and tell them in person. Most of them had no idea; one or two had seen it on early morning news. All were stunned, one or two wept, some shook their head in disbelief. In every case, I felt clumsy and horribly inadequate.

I’ve come to the conclusion that there are some things that simply cannot be done well. Even with gentleness and caring, the impact of such news reminds us of our inadequacy. Yet, too, it can remind us that we care for one another, that we are here together through bad times and good. Through our mistakes and bad choices, our involuntary involvement in the mistakes and bad choices of others, and the unflinching laws of physics, we share a world that is both wonderful and horrific.

It is our sharing that makes us human, our tears and prayers that make us more.

H. Arnett
11/22/16

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A Deceiving Sweetness

In the late summers of my youth, I remember Mom drying apples. Using a small paring knife, she’d peel the fruits, trimming off large curls. “One of these days,” she would murmur to herself and whomever happened to be around, “I’m going to peel a whole apple in one string.” She’d lift a long curl to show how close she’d gotten. I’m not sure that she ever managed the feat completely but I know I was impressed. I don’t think I ever got closer than halfway.

After peeling, she’d cut the apples into wedges, then trim out the seeds and core. Mom would also pare out any bad places, bug bite black spots or any other blemishes except for tiny bruises. “Those aren’t going to hurt anyone,” she explained, “just be a bit darker than the rest.” For the actual drying part, she’d spread them out on a towel on the rear deck of the car and close all the windows to keep flies out. In the September sun of southern Kentucky, it didn’t take long for the drying.

I loved the leathery treats. I loved how the texture gradually changed in my mouth, going from tough to chewy. I loved the surprise of flavor. Whenever I’d first put a slice in my mouth there was almost no taste but then the sweetness of concentrated fructose slowly emerged. Somehow, I also liked the deception.

There was nothing about the appearance that suggested wonderful treats lay in those quart jars on the shelf in canning pantry. Brown, shriveled, twisted. To anyone unfamiliar with them, they looked like something that should have been thrown away with the peels and cores. But for those who put substance above appearance, there was a rewarding pleasure and nourishment.

I’ve known a few people like that over the years. Nothing in their appearance to draw friends around. Nothing in the superficial aspects of personality to invite acquaintance on a deeper level. But given the opportunity to demonstrate their true nature, some of the best folks I’ve ever known. People of love and character, laughter and loyalty. People who didn’t wear their faith on the bumpers of their cars or front of their tee shirts, it was melded into the mettle of their character and woven into the fabric of their lives.

I find that remarkably attractive. You know, kind of like that “content of their character” thing…

H. Arnett
11/21/16

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Telling Off a Truck Driver

You ever notice how being in a hurry almost always guarantees you’ll get a slow driver in front of you? Add construction work to the formula and you might as well figure that the cows will go milk themselves at the neighbor’s barn and come back home before you even get to work.

That’s how my morning started out yesterday. Just a few seconds before the current version of infrastructure update narrows Summit from four lanes to two, a tractor trailer rig pulled over in front of me. He barely exceeded the 30 mph speed limit from Kansas Avenue all the way to downtown, a ridiculously slow pace for that time of day when people who should have left home three minutes earlier are trying to get to work. I didn’t figure it was worth weaving in and out of traffic cones and a noteworthy fine to save three or eight seconds so I just followed him all the way.

“Ah, well,” I thought, “I’ll be turning west on Chestnut anyway and he’ll keep heading south.” Turned out, he was turning west on Chestnut also. In fact, turning right onto Chestnut with traffic occupying the left hand lane was enough a challenge for him that he was the only vehicle in my lane that could get through the intersection on that light cycle. So, I waited for a pickup truck to come through from the left and then made a right-on-red onto Chestnut.

Soon after that turn, I had to stop, as did the pickup truck. The semi rig was stopped ahead of us, blocking the entire street and getting ready to back into an alley. “Great!” I whined to myself, “He’ll have to pull back up, try again, pull back up, try again and I’m going to end up being late. Grrr…”

Actually, he nailed it on the first attempt, backed in quickly and smoothly and the pickup went on its way down the street. But I decided I was going to give that truck driver an unexpected piece of my mind, anyway. I pulled into a parking space, got out of my car and started walking down the alley.

The driver, who looked to be in his mid-thirties stepped down out of the cab and paid no attention to me, barely glanced in my direction. He started walking toward the back of his truck. He was a burly fellow with shaved head and a thick bushy foot long beard and stood about six-two, weighed around two-hundred-and-sixty pounds. Something between a Hell’s Angel type and a Caribbean pirate without a motorcycle or a sword. So far as I could tell, at least. That wasn’t going to stop me from sharing my thoughts on his truck-driving, though.

“Hey, man,” I called out loudly. He stopped and turned around. He seemed a bit startled at first to see a gray-bearded guy in a business suit walking toward him. As he started walking toward me, he drew his lips tight and a slight frown formed on his face.

Without any other word of introduction or explanation, I told him, “My father-in-law was a truck driver and my brother is a truck driver.” I paused briefly and then continued, “That was an impressive bit of truck driving backing into this alley like that.” I stuck out my hand and he shook it enthusiastically.

“You stopped just to tell me that?” he responded with raised eyebrows and a surprised grin, “Man, you just made my day.”

Tell the truth, it sort of made mine, too.

H. Arnett
11/18/16

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A Fine Day for Lovin’

I had in mind to write something fine and polished this morning, something so well formed that the beauty of the words would touch something deep and genuine, something that resonates with the best parts of hearts and minds.

But at the moment all I can come up with is how wonderful it is to live among friends who aren’t afraid to say “I love you” and who will at least every now and then take the time to stop by or call or send a text or email that just reminds you that even though you know you aren’t as good as they seem to think you are it’s still awfully good to know they think highly of you.

And even the ones who maybe don’t think you’re all that but sure love you anyway, well it’s mighty good to have them around, too.

And to remember that in God’s good grace, we are loved in spite of all our imperfections. Loved completely, infinitely, wonderfully, stubbornly, tenderly through every single one of life’s twists and turns and the whole wide range of all our choices.

So, for today, I think I will love the loving that I receive, that I give, that I witness, that I crave, that I treasure. And will try to dish it out in full measure, heaped up and running over.

And I’m pretty sure that will make a good day. The kind of day we all want to have.

H. Arnett
11/17/16

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A Simple Matter

There’s an old Hebrew poem that begins “Behold, how good and pleasant it is when brethren dwell together in unity.” It goes on to use a figure of speech related to a special ceremony of extreme honor and blessing, the anointing of that culture’s highest office. The simile used is too archaic to really connect to those of us in this day and age and place since the West has rarely used anointing in any of its appointings of general significance.

The image of extremely expensive oil being used to convey the honor and blessing of God Almighty upon a particular person designated to serve in a particular calling is rather difficult for most of us to imagine. Increasingly, it appears that the unity aspect is becoming harder to imagine as well.

At first look, there seems to be no shortage of people happily acknowledging its need, desirability and worthiness: newly elected or freshly rejected candidates and a host of others ostensibly concerned with the welfare of the nation and international implications.

Beneath the surface, though, it might appear that most of these potential uniters have one pretty simple premise for their unification project: agree with me and we can all get along just fine.

If all you blue people will quit being blue, I’ll be happy to work as one with you. As soon as all you red people can change your redness, we’ll be ready to link up arm and arm. As soon as you black people can quit harping about blackness, we can start healing our country. As soon as you white people can admit how reprehensible your whiteness is, things can be better. As soon as you radicals can become quaint and harmless, we can begin making things better. As soon as you religious idiots realize how idiotic religion is, we can resume our evolutionary progress. As soon as you atheists will acknowledge Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior I’ll be willing to talk with you.

Even after several decades of observation and experience, I’ll admit I’m no expert on human behavior. But what I’ve seen in families, churches, schools, work groups, communities and most every other accumulation of humanoids makes me pretty darn certain that unity isn’t all that hard to conceive.

All it takes is for people to love others more than they love their own opinions and to agree that getting along is more important than getting my way.

H. Arnett
11/16/16

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Silicone Solutions

Among the diverse entertainments which enriched my life this weekend, I attempted the fifth effort on fixing a seeping drain under the new vanity. I was just almost impressed with myself and my scientific approach to the problem.

There were at least four potential sources of the leak, including each joint of the trap and where the tailspout attaches to the bottom of the sink. I cut strips of toilet paper and wrapped each around the pipe at appropriate spots. I figured the least bit of seeping water would leave an unmistakable trail.

Next I turned the faucets on and let the water run for about ten minutes, then checked underneath. There wasn’t a drop of water in the catch pan nor the least indication of any water contacting any of the strips of toilet paper. “Hmm,” I thought, “this is not precisely what I expected. This is odd indeed.”

An hour later, there was a half tablespoon of water in the drip tray but nary a trace on any of the paper strips. I was pretty sure the water could not have moved through the paper without leaving any evidence but there was no denying that water was still somehow leaking from the sink.

I checked again a few hours later. There was more water in the tray. I unwrapped each strip of toilet paper; still no trace there. I expressed my consternation to Randa. Five minutes later, while I was consoling myself with milk and Oreos, she called out, “I found it!” I continued chewing my Oreo and walked into the bathroom.

Randa had her head thrust inside the vanity and was shining a tiny, very bright LED flashlight up toward the bottom of the sind. “There it is,” she pointed, “right up there.” We swapped places and I saw a few beads of water glistening from the bottom of the sink. I wiped them off with a piece of paper towel. Within several seconds, a new bead began forming. I wiped it away and the phenomenon repeated itself. In a little while, the bead dropped off, hit the lowest bend of the trap and dropped into the catch pan. Without touching any other place—or where any of the paper strips would have been.

Having found the source, I prayed, “Lord, please give me understanding, discernment and insight. Help me to understand what the problem really is and give me wisdom to fix it.”

I disassembled the entire drain assembly, removed every piece. Next, I scraped away all of the silicone I’d used trying to fix the leak. Then I used “Goof Off” solvent to remove all of the residue. With a flashlight shining underneath the sink, I inspected from the topside. The reason for the leak was immediately evident; there was a small defect at the bottom opening underneath, a tiny vertical crack in the casting.

The overflow port design of the sink and drain system create a reservoir of water around the base of the drain. The heavy rubber washer compressed against the junction is supposed to provide a seal. That tiny crack made it impossible for the washer to completely seal the joint. I filled in the defect with fresh silicone then placed a heavy circle of sealer around the opening and around the new washer. Hopefully that has fixed the leak; I haven’t tested it yet.

The whole little opportunity set me to thinking about how often we try to fix things without taking the time to really find out and understand the nature of the root cause. We change one or two steps of a process without looking at the whole thing or talking with others involved in the process and affected by our change. We epoxy the inside of a basement wall without trying to find out where the moisture is coming from on the outside of the wall. We change the order of worship without talking to the worshippers. We put up a basketball court to reduce juvenile crime without taking the time to consider the life forces at work elevating the crime rate. I think there are a lot of times when we aren’t truly trying to fix things; we’re just hoping that we’ll get lucky and it’ll quit leaking long enough for us to get away before others realize we are part of the problem instead of the solution.

Sometimes the problem is that we’re operating in our own wisdom and impatience. People probably scoff and mock at the idea of praying to fix a leaking drain. “Are you serious?! You think ‘God’ is going to fix your drain?!”

Well, it’s pretty much the same prayer I pray for the situations I face at work, situations that are much more challenging and complex. Some of those situations look like they’d need a miracle to fix. Well, I’ve already revealed my little miracle yesterday. I finally took the time to actually look for the cause instead of just smearing some more silicone on the problem. I guess next I’ll pray for the courage to find out if it really worked or not.

H. Arnett
11/14/16

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Game Time

It used to be that I had a whole big bunch of very good excuses for me. Excellent reasons for why I couldn’t be better than I was.

For instance, basketball.

I loved basketball as far back as I can remember. Some of my earliest memories are of listening to the University of Kentucky Wildcats’ games on the radio set up on a shelf in the milk barn. That was back in the years of Adolph Rupp and Cotton Nash.

During the season, most of the games would start while we were doing the evening milking. The beauty of radio was that you could listen while you dumped feed into the trough, called cows into the shed, cleaned udders, hooked up milkers and cleaned up everything later. During a particularly tense part of the game, Dad would pause just before he bent over to put the milkers onto the cow, his brow furrowed deeply. When the free throws went in giving the ‘Cats the lead, he’d grin and go on about the milking. We’d finish up the games back in the house.

Our interest in basketball also transferred to the old goal set up in the backyard, too. Long wooden posts and an old oak backboard splayed a rusty rim somewhere in the neighborhood of ten feet above the ground. In the summer, I’d shoot baskets. Every now and then, Dad would stop by and shoot a few free throws, “granny style.”

Rick Barry is the last professional player I remember using that underhand shot at the free throw line. It was already archaic in the Sixties but his accuracy was pretty darn impressive. It’s hard to make fun of someone who’s shooting with around ninety percent accuracy. Especially if it’s with a firearm and you’re at the dirt bank end of a shooting range.

Paul and I never played tag with .22’s but sometimes we did play one-on-one on the grass court of that old ball goal. That’s where the excuses started.

When I was a freshman in high school, I stretched to five-feet five-inches tall and weighed a hundred and thirty-five pounds. When Paul was a freshman, he was about six feet tall and weighed a hundred and seventy-five or so. At least, that’s my memory. One-on-one rarely worked out well in my favor. I may have been a touch quicker than him but not quick enough to make up for a seven-inch deficit in height. “Horse” yielded slightly better odds but even in that I was usually a couple of letters ahead.

“Too short for basketball, too small for football” became my mantra, even though I did play basketball through high school. I’d grunted my way up to five-nine by the time I graduated and then grew another couple of inches in the next two years. What can I say, I’m a late bloomer. If I bloom at all.

What never occurred to me in those years was to figure out how Bob Cousy (and later Mugsy Bogues and Spud Webb) had an NBA career. All of those guys—and several other professional athletes—were smaller than me. Eventually, I realized that if I’d spent two or three hours a day working on my skills, I could have at least played college ball. Maybe not at UK but somewhere, if I’d been willing to trade my excuses for effort.

Come to think of it, though, I guess the truth is that the reason for most of the things I never accomplished really was from being too small. Not taking greater risks, not pushing through the hard parts, not accepting that I was the primary reason for not achieving greater goals. Things like not forgiving sooner, not loving more, choosing pride instead of humility, taking the easier road instead of the one that would have been more rewarding.

Well, at least it’s not too late. Lord willing, I’ve got a few years left. With enough practice I just might become an expert in being nice to people. Although I suspect a few folks would be pleased and impressed if I just moved up past novice status…

H. Arnett
11/11/16

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Behind the Seens

Eight weeks into the remodeling of the bathroom, we are finally coming close to getting done.

The new tub sits below a framing of new tile and paint. New trim frames the door and window. A new vanity sits in the new alcove made for it. New tile spans the floor of the small room, bordered by smaller tile mortared around the edge to create an almost waterproof ceramic baseboard.

The old exaggerated texture of the ceiling was levelled by two layers of drywall mud with two sessions of sanding to smooth the finish. New outlets sit above the splash line of the sink, beneath two new lights hanging down toward either side. In the nook at the end of the tub/shower, a new commode shines its deceiving whiteness. A new shelf unit for towels and such is nested into the wall opposite the tub.

Even with all this newness there are still a few small tasks remaining: the final piece of trim below the window, towel racks and paper holder to be installed, another shelf or cabinet to be made and hung above the toilet.

There is little hint of all the frustrations and extra efforts: a commode shipped already cracked from the factory, a flawed sink that kinks the drain assembly, imperfections in the drain assembly that prevent a proper seal, a faucet pipe that needed to be a quarter-inch longer, grout sealer that required five coats instead of the two claimed by the directions, old mistakes and new ones that added hours to the work.

When a thing has been finished and all the errors ironed out, it is only those who have done the work who ever knew what it really took to get it done. Eventually, we get there in spite of all the swearing and the weariness of things that seem to be simple but rarely are. At some point, maybe it’s sheer stubbornness that gets us through the final phases. Talent and experience certainly play a role but oftentimes, it’s the refusal to give up that sees some things through to their end.

Though our names may never be carved into stone markers or cast into bronze plaques, we leave a thousand small monuments to mark our lives. Moments of each day that say we were there and we did something that mattered even though those who come behind may never know or understand what it took.

That’s okay because the One who takes the measure of our lives always knows. And he has promised to reward us openly for the good we have done that escaped the notice of everyone around us. Until then, the good that we do will bring good into the lives of others and they will be blessed… even when they have no idea of the mess we went through to get it done.

H. Arnett
11/10/16

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Silver Mornings

There is something in the stillness of an autumn morning
when strands of silver mist hover
above the surface of pond and creek,

something silent and soothing
in the windless drift of thin haze
sifting through the seams of bottomland and ditches.

There is something in the bands of color
traced by stems of prairie grass and brome
bent by the seasons yet held lightly,

something warm and wondrous
in the weaving of long blades of tall grass
unafraid of passing time or things to come.

There is something in the first light of bright dawning
when the distant hues of orange and blue
tinge the edges of the earth,

something vast and beautiful
in softly spreading colors that catch the rims
of the opposite sides of heaven.

There is something in the low angle of a rising sun
when the upper edges of fields and banks
gain the glow of night-piercing light,

something somehow both fierce and lovely
when the blondes of foxtail
burn platinum in the glancing fire of day’s beginning.

May mornings such as this
when even weeds turn beautiful
and peace seems to breathe from the earth

lend light and warmth to the worn and weary
and may the glow of a greater Love
shared by the Shaper of this good day

live within me.

H. Arnett
11/7/16

Posted in Christian Devotions, Christian Living, Metaphysical Reflection, Nature, Poetry, Spiritual Contemplation | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on Silver Mornings