Good to You

Whether in the midst of drought’s stern form
or in the aftermath of pounding storm,
whether deeply held in aching grief
or in celebration of true release,

whether in the midst of life’s hardest working
or enjoying the rest of a few days’ shirking,
whether enjoying the peace of solitude
or surrounded by a boisterous brood,

whether in the midst of a long journey’s roam
or in the warm grace of your own home,
whether pursuing the dream of some great goal
or content in the wellness of your own soul:

I hope that on this good day,
   the truest of peace will come your way.
I hope that God’s own grace
   will help you through whatever you face.

I pray that you will clearly see
   the goodness that has found you
and feel the soothing presence
   of the love that surrounds you.


H. Arnett
4/20/2023
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Rejoicin’ and Repentin’

Sometimes the rain comes cold, like it did early Saturday when the storm front came charging in, chasing away three days of low-to-mid-eighties, and leaving us looking at a freeze warning for the early hours of Monday morning.

It hailed for just a few minutes soon after daybreak, small stones bouncing on the flat, black roof over the porch while I watched from the window of the door on the second floor. From sometime in the night until around ten, the storm brought in nearly three-quarters of an inch of rain, the most we’ve had since the warm storms of last summer.

All day long the temperature slid down from its overnight low to an even lower point, bringing in another round of light rain in late afternoon. We ended up with nine-tenths of an inch and nearly all of it soaked in rather than running off down the slopes.

Certainly enough to help out the newly sown seed in the pasture and recently planted square miles of corn in northeast Kansas. Within a few days, we’ll see green starting to flourish in the black-burned sections of banks and fields.

Out in the southern parts of the state and northern Oklahoma, they’re still dry. Achingly dry for this season of the year. We’ll give thanks for what we’ve received and pray for the relief of others.

I would confess that it is a good thing when we stand in the midst of blessing to remember those whose faith is being tested. A good thing when humble gratitude leads to sharing others’ cares.

It is not always evidence of the Good Lord’s favor if my fields are greener than my neighbors. If I remember correctly, the Good Book says that he sends his rain upon the just and the unjust. I will try to trust his Spirit to always make it clear to my own heart, which one I happen to be. And therefore know when to rejoice and when to repent.

And find the grace to be grateful in all times.

H. Arnett

4/18/2023

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A Peaceful Hour

I remember Fred Harrison praying
at Antioch Church of Christ,
hands and body tough as oak floors and hardwood pews
from years of milking and the hard work he knew
from farming in West Kentucky,
faith unfeigned, simple words,
and an absolute trust that he was heard
clear through to the throne of heaven.

And when he had finished
asking the Lord’s blessing upon the sick,
upon the church,
upon the seed and the sowing
and whatever was growing at the time,
a final request that always impressed me,
knowing even as a teenager 
what is spoken last is often the most important ask:

“And Lord, when it comes our time to leave this earth,
give us a peaceful hour in which to die.”

I think of this some fifty years later
and five hundred miles away,
sitting with the neighbor across the creek 
in northeast Kansas as he is dying of cancer.

And as I pray for his release
in these last few weeks
of watching Greg Boos slowly lose hold
of what had held him in this world,

and especially in these last several days
of counting the seconds between breaths
and watching for that telling heave
of belly and chest that would serve notice
that he had taken leave for that final rest,

knowing the hours that Debbie and their daughters and son,
the sisters and brothers and grands and other ones who love him,
have sat or stood or knelt beside his bed,
grasped those big, strong hands,
cupped the warmth of his fevered head,
and whispered the words spoken 
in that aching blend of comfort and dread,

“It’s okay.”
“You’re not alone.”
“You can go on home.”

And then finally,
on a stormy Saturday in Doniphan County,
when it seemed that we had gone back
from summer to winter in a single day,
when the bottom lands lay soft 
from the first real rain of the season
bringing a deepening green to the pastures,

you took your last, quiet breaths in your own house, 
surrounded by those who love you,
who had loved you through these two years of cancer,
these two years of slowly turning toward this very moment,
treasuring memories and aching from the separation,
and yet grateful that the exact instant of your release
came with such quiet peace:

“There wasn’t any gasping or fighting for air;
he just stopped breathing.”

And now, even in the ache of our grieving,
we take some comfort in such a quiet leaving.


H. Arnett
4/17/2023

Posted in Aging, Christian Devotions, Christian Living, Death & Dying, Family, Poetic Contemplations, Poetry, Prayer, Relationships, Spiritual Contemplation, suffering | Tagged , , , , , | Comments Off on A Peaceful Hour

Song for Greg*

Lord as we face this dark hour,
May your fierce love and awesome power
Lead us gently along the way,
With every step, through every day.

Lord as we face this long night,
May your own Spirit give us light.
Dispel the darkness, bring us warmth,
Eternal presence, eternal form.

   Lord let your love flow pure and deep, 
   Our souls refresh, our faint hearts keep,
   May your own strength our weakness fade.
   Led by your Spirit and unafraid.
  
Lord as we face this parting cut,
Keep us close in healing love.
Bind our hearts in deepest peace,
Securely held in true release.

   Lord let your love flow pure and deep, 
   Our souls refresh, our faint hearts keep,
   May your own strength our weakness fade.
   Led by your Spirit and unafraid.


*Song written while visiting Greg Boos, terminally ill with cancer.
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Spring Serendipity

It seemed like a perfect case of people going their separate ways, without anger, malice aforethought, or even the slightest bit of irritation. In fact, it seemed perfectly amicable.

Randa’s friend Eileen had asked her to go with her to look at a “living quarters horse trailer” about an hour south of Atchison. I had asked my friend Neil to go for a motorcycle ride. Randa needed to leave around three-thirty in the afternoon, and I needed to leave shortly after. Seeing as how we both figured to be gone for a few hours, it seemed like mighty fine mutual timing.

And so, on an absolutely beautiful spring day in northeastern Kansas, we took our leaving at our leisure. A half-hour later, Randa and Eileen were headed to south to Easton and Neil and I were headed west to Highland. Gusts of wind clipping thirty miles-an-hour were a bit of a nuisance but not enough to ruin the curves or the miles and miles view of rolling fields and hills. Bradford pears were in full bloom and a late green showed in the seams of ditches and banks. Farmers chiseled long lines of seeding in the dark dirt of Doniphan County fields with the temperature in the low Eighties.

After visiting a mutual friend in Highland for an hour-and-a-half or so, Neil and I turned our bikes south toward Severance and headed on over to Atchison.

Our plan was to grab a burger and a beer at Mueller’s Locker Room, hang out on the deck munching fries and watching the river go by. As we rode through Bendena and then turned south on K-7, I kept an eye out for a couple of women in a pickup truck pulling a long horse trailer. Never saw any, though.

Neil and I parked our bikes in Mueller’s parking lot, sauntered our way up onto the outside dining area and picked out a table. We sat for a while, chatting, and watching the Missouri River slide by, weaving between the long shadows and breaks of light that shimmered its surface and silvered the swirls. After we ordered, Neil went to wash his hands. I was so struck by the novelty of the idea that I decided to do the same thing after he got back to our table.

Just past the bar at the edge of the inside dining area, I took a hard right and headed to the hallway accessing the bathrooms. A few minutes later, as I came back through the dining area, I noticed two women sitting at a booth almost directly in front of me. Still wearing my black riding jacket, I walked over to the table without either of them noticing me. In my best “trying to be helpful” voice, I asked, “Can I get you ladies anything else?”

They both looked up, then burst out laughing. It was Randa and Eileen. Of all the gin joints in all the world…

I left them to their sharing and went back out to the dining deck and rejoined Neil. An hour later, we crossed the river and headed north on US-59 toward Saint Joseph. A soft blush of pale green showed on the fringes of trees covering the Missouri Bluffs on our right. The occasional bright white of Bradford pear glowed in contrast. To our left, far off across the bottoms and beyond the Kansas ridge, a red ball sunset settled down into the horizon.

Between the well-laid plans and the spontaneous serendipity at Mueller’s, it had been a mighty fine ride. Some of life’s best moments pop up at the intersection of intention and circumstance. Keep your eyes open and ride safe!

H. Arnett

4/13/2023

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Empathy, Sympathy, Caring

I may not have wrestled the same demons 
that you must fight…
	… but I have seen evil eyes glowing 
	in the fog-shrouded night.

I may not have fought my battles with the same sword 
that you must wield…
	… but I do bear my own scars 
	and know the pain they still yield.

I may not have walked in the place 
where you are now forced to stand…
	… but I have stumbled many miles 
	across rough and rocky land.

I may not have shed the same tears 
nor felt the same fears in the night…
	… but I do know the taste of salt
	 in a throat that cannot swallow for being so tight.

I may not have ached with hurts 
that are exactly the same…
	… but I do know the burn of acid 
	in my deepest veins.

I may not have finished the path 
that you now start…
	… but I do know the burn of the knife 
	in my own heart.

I will not claim to know exactly how you feel 
about burying your son, your friend or brother…
	… but I have lost many I loved, 
	and my father, and my mother.

I do not pretend to know, 
with me standing here and you standing there…
	… but I hope that you can tell 
	that I do sincerely care.

I pray you comfort, 
and healing, and peace…
	… and that God’s own grace 
	will bring you eventual release.

May his love and presence, 
and the closeness of family and friends…
	… bear you ever forward, 
	toward this hard journey’s end.

And from here clear through the door 
to life’s final home…
	… I pray that you may never feel 
	that you ever walk alone.


H. Arnett
3/25/2023
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Confession for Resurrection Day

I suppose that one could fairly say,
“These women did not come in faith.”

Hearts heavy with grief and spirits wrenched,
Laden with spices to take away the defiling stench,

Expecting to find Jesus still in the grave,
and wondering, “Who will roll the stone away?”

And even at first sight could not quite
recognize him in dawn’s dim light.

But as soon as Mary heard him speak her name,
believed at once and was never again the same.


I suppose that one could fairly say,
“You have not always lived in faith.”

I have brought others grief and good hearts wrenched,
Have born from bad choices that defiling stench.

It’s true that I earned my place in the grave, 
and no excuse to ask that my guilt be rolled away.

I knew no matter how dim the light,
the things I chose were neither loving nor right.

But even in sin’s own darkness, I heard him call my name,
and though yet weak and tempted, have never been the same.


And so, without the least sense of earn or merit,
I will daily welcome his indwelling spirit.

And will rejoice beyond my dying day,
that God himself rolled the stone away.


H. Arnett
4/9/23
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The Agony of Insufficiency

Every humble person—and most of the rest of us as well—have at some time or another come to the realization of their own inability in a particular situation. Perhaps it was in face of an unfolding disaster, whether epic or minute. Perhaps it was in confronting some injury or disease. Maybe it was in consequence of financial misfortune. Maybe it was in those awful hours wrapped around the final moments of a loved one’s life.

Whether in a sense of complete powerlessness or in the “just not quite enough” scenario, we confront our lack of capacity to do whatever it would take to make things right again. Or, more accurately, make them as we wish they were. It matters not how deeply we care, how much energy we are willing to exert, or how amazing our intellect or compassion; it just isn’t enough.

We stand with tear-etched faces beside a closed casket, just outside an ICU room witnessing accomplished frantic action, in the mesmerizing paralysis of a flame-engulfed home, or just beyond the wreckage and turn our faces as the bodies are removed. Some endure the mutual self-blame and eviscerating disappointment of being truly in love and desiring yet incapable of conceiving children. Or perhaps simply ache with a broken-hearted teenager experiencing first betrayal or rejection.

In these—and innumerable other eruptions of humanity—we are made acutely aware of our own limitations. In this, it may be that there is a key difference between us and the truly humble: they were aware even before tragedy became personal experience.

Regardless of prior awareness or state of submission, a humble acceptance moves us toward greater awareness and appreciation of our deep need for God and for one another. Or, in darker response, we may grow more bitter or resentful of the One who has made us and this deeply flawed world in which we live. And oblivious to the empathy of others.

Connecting with that tendency, there’s a John Prine song with these lines: “Father forgive us for what we must do. / You forgive us, and we’ll forgive you.”

On the one hand, there is an almost blasphemous notion that we are ever in a position of judging and then forgiving God. And yet on the other hand, it could be an expressed awareness that no matter how ridiculous the idea might seem on its surface, it is the secret of moving through and beyond the most painful absurdities of this patently unfair existence.

Then again, if this world were truly and inflexibly fair, most of us would have perished long ago.

Aware of that, I choose to live with the occasional agonies of insufficiency, yet always cloaked with immutable grace and often spared by inexplicable mercy.

H. Arnett

3/24/23

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After the Barn

Most of the time in the dry weather,
all it takes is a few scrapes
through the stiff brush bristles
of the boot cleaner mounted on an old slab
of two-by-eight to make the dirt and dust
and light crust of sand and dried horse manure
drop right off and be gone.

But on those rainy days
when the thick, sticky clay is ground and pounded 
into the treads of my heavy muck boots,
it takes a shooting stream of compressed water
piercing into the cleated corners
to pry out the mud and yuck
of the round pen.

Most of the time, when my walking in this world
has mostly been what it should have been,
it only takes a minute or two
to send the thoughts I shouldn’t have
flying on out and away,
just a bit of prayer, as it were,
to restore focus on the things that are above.

But on those days
when draping darkness clouds my thinking
and leaves my soul sinking and sliding
like hard-hooved feet on soft mud over frozen ground,
mucking and miring every corner of my heart,
and it seems that holiness can barely make a spark,
then, my friend, it takes something more, way more:

it takes the down on-my-knees,
begging You, please, O God of My Pain,
soul-sobbing, vein-throbbing,
gut-twisting, eye-misting,
of deep-aching contrition
and pride-breaking submission
to get my spirit clean.

Yeah, it takes that.
And then… Yeah, I’m good, again.


H. Arnett
3/10/2023
Posted in Christian Devotions, Christian Living, Farming, Metaphysical Reflection, Poetic Contemplations, Poetry, Prayer, Spiritual Contemplation | Tagged , , , , , , | Comments Off on After the Barn

No, I Don’t Know How You Feel… But I Do Care

A small essay I published yesterday including a couple of examples of things not to say to someone dealing with the death of a loved one. My oldest sister, Freeda, responded with, “You could have added, ‘I know exactly how you feel.’”

That reminded me of an incident from about eighteen years ago. A young man in the church Randa and I were pastoring died in a tragic accident. His death devastated his sister and their parents. One morning soon after the funeral, I felt stirred by the Spirit to give his sister a call.

As we talked, I told her, “You don’t know this, but I have five siblings. And I don’t know that if all five of them died at once that I would feel what you’re feeling.”

She broke down. I could hear her crying. Then, she choked out in softly broken words, “I can’t tell you how much I appreciate that. I am so tired of people telling me, ‘I know exactly how you feel.’ They don’t know; they can’t know how I feel.” I could feel an intense pain and passion in her voice, and I’ve never forgotten that conversation.*

Ever since that conversation, I’ve been very careful not to use that phrase or anything that resembles it. It’s a cliché that we’ve all heard so many times that it becomes automatic. It’s not that I don’t realize that people mean well when they say it. And I think we should cut people a bit of slack whenever they mean well.

What they mean is probably something along the lines of, “I’ve lost someone, too. My mother, my father, my closest friend… Hurts like hell, doesn’t it?” So, when we’re on the receiving side, let’s try to lower the level of judging and up the level of appreciating that they want us to know that they care and that they understand it’s a painful situation.

As to what we ourselves say, probably good to avoid that one. As Freeda reminded me, “Every relationship is different.” What if this person’s father was a secret abuser? What if their mother used to pour scalding water on them when they misbehaved? What if the last thing this person said to their lost loved one was something really mean and hateful and now, they can never apologize for it? Even if we’ve been where they are, we still don’t know how they feel.

If I got really deep down honest, I’d have to admit that I rarely know exactly how I feel in the aftermath of loss and tragedy. So I know exactly how you feel? Not likely. But I appreciate that you understand that it’s a painful place. And that we’re sharing a life that isn’t often easy but is always better when we care about each other.

Especially when that caring shows.

* Immediately after that conversation, a song began forming in my mind. I pulled my guitar out of its case and started writing. It’s a song that seems to speak to people in that initial shock of loss and pain. If you’d care to listen to it, (awesome saxophone playing by Michael Reining) try this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KMTkywd1acQ

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